How TO Get Over A Breakup
According to statistics, most persons suck at getting over a breakup. Breakup is perceived to be the proverbial whirlwind that is no good, and most times, anyone who hasn’t gotten over their ex(es), often struggle to fully embrace new love and affection. The obsession over a past relationship, is one of the obvious signs that the affection lingers and this impacts on people in every love stage, not just singles and those who have recently broken up but also the divorced. Sadly, in recent times, the internet and social media has made it more difficult to move on from an ex after a breakup. Due to inadequate skills to manage such situations, it always causes people to break down but this need not be your experience because you can truly go through a breakup unscathed and I have outlined below some tips on how to achieve this:
After every breakup, your mind echoes mostly with the good memories and it seduces you into believing that you ruined something that could have been heavenly. One of the major reasons it is tough to get over a breakup is because what you lost or stepped out from (previous relationship), suddenly seems magical. That feeling of guilt can birth the crippling emotion of loss and regret. However, strategic thinking and proper documentation of all the things that went wrong in the relationship, puts you in the right and very safe perspective to help get over the breakup.
- DOCUMENT THINGS THAT WENT WRONG IN THE RELATIONSHIP:
Write down, when he yelled at you in public, when she forgot your birthday, when he cheated on you, how she lied about her parents, when you both argued about your varying belief system, when she was rude to your friends etc. Please don’t forget to add his weakness and every wrong statement he made during the relationship. I know some of the events may have skipped your mind so just relax and think. Do not just write down, read it aloud to yourself too; you can record on audio and listen.
From your assessment, some of the things that went wrong in the relationship, may probably have been your fault and you should be responsible for that and channel the energy to be better in your next relationship. However, reading all the things that went wrong and the role your ex placed in those events, can help your mind understand that you didn’t lose as much as your emotions had tried to trick you to believe being that your ex was not necessarily the Angel your mind was beginning to present him or her to be. In fact, he or she could be a demon God just saved you from.
Another advantage of the exercise above is the realization of how much healing it brings to your stressed soul. You will realize the relationship was full of a number of familiar pain that would eventually have been more destructive than the temporary pain of a breakup and the current heartbreak being felt. Also, it is important to train your mind that the breakup was designed for a breakthrough not to break you down. If you can get through doing this, Congratulations dear, you just survived an emotional terrorism.
2. CHOOSE YOUR MUSICAL CONTENT:
In my previous blog post http://therockdweller.com/how-to-be-confident-2/ I shared about the importance of choosing your content wisely. Trust me, this principle cannot be overemphasized. I recently counselled a friend who was going through a heartbreak and the first thing I checked was her playlist and recently played music and guess what?, I saw the reason why the breakup took a toll on her even when it was designed to build her up; ‘Hello’ by Adele and James Blunt ‘Goodbye my lover’, are good songs but they are bad for you during your breakup season. In fact, doing that is self-torture!
“Music gives a soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination and life to everything.” – Plato
Stop giving flight to destructive imagination and life to what is supposed to be dead in your life. Do I mean, you should abstain from music? Hell No! I just want you to choose the kind of music that will build you up instead of those that potentially tear you down and rob you of your joy.
“A great song should lift your heart, warm the soul and make you feel good.” – Colbie Caillat
Get you great music at this season of your life. You need my recommendation? Okay, I listen to Lauren Daigle, Sanctus Real, Hawk Nelson, Plumb, Colton Dixon, Hillsong and some Gospel musicians in such moment of my life.
3. SPEAK CONSTRUCTIVELY:
If you wanna get over a breakup, then you will have to train your mind and tongue on how to talk about yourself and your situation. The entire world was created by words and there was nothing that was created (and would be created) without words. Nothing.
Words are a very powerful force and the most potent words that will have strong roots in your life, are your own words. So its wise to always use your words for you and not against you. In the grand scheme of things, your words create your world (reality). I am often in shock when I listen to folks who are going through their breakup journey. It’s a scary thing to watch folks destroy themselves and their emotional health by themselves just to invoke pity from other people. It not worth it at all!
I strongly recommend you don’t talk about your breakup and heartbreak until you strategically document and analyse your prior relationship as mentioned above.
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