In the volume of the Book

Even at 30, my sword will remain clenched in my fist, I will manage to travel with my shield and breastplate forever. I promise to be war-ready even though there seems to be Peace. I want more Kingdoms so more kings will have to fall by the edge of my sword. At 30 years old, do I have my life figured out? No! I still don’t know which way I am going, but I can finally hear my (the) way around (unlike in previous chapters). Yeah! THE WAY is just not a person, He is my friend! He says this is the path, walk therein.

My Christmas Story .

What is Christmas without food ,drinks and gifts? Food and drink will turn poison and gifts are mere baits without LOVE. GOD is Love and JESUS CHRIST is GOD.”- Olatunji Rockdweller

The Man of Steel

You can imitate a man.
You can manipulate a man.
You can even attack a man.
But you cannot become one (if you are not one ).

— The Rockdweller

How to get your Ex Back

Are you sitting next to a pile of empty beer cans; whining about how you missed out (broke up) on the girl of your dream?  Do you spend all your time banging your head against the glass wall of your self-created regret because you want you ex back, but you don’t know how to go about it? Maybe you seem to be alright, but; you will give an arm to get your ex back into your life if given a chance. Whichever category you are in, I hope this article will guide you on how to get your ex back without losing yourself in the process.

How to get you ex back.

Reuniting with your ex is a worthy project like buying a new car; writing a professional exam; or leaving your country for a saner clime. So, if you think getting your ex back is worth it, then you have to roll your sleeves and give it what it takes. It requires knowledge and action. It’s my job to enlighten you just the same way I wrote about How to breakup with someone. It is your responsibility to take action. Nothing is as unstoppable like an action fueled by relevant information.
Let yourself off the hook and soak in these five simple steps like a sponge.

STEP 1: Conversation

Conversation is King

Any good relationship starts with a conversation. Your previous relationship also started at the click of an interaction. This probably ended with you two becoming an item. Funny enough, some cowards just ghost away though, lol! The purpose of this conversation is to be sure both of you are interested in the rebirth of the relationship. The kind of dialogues can be just as stupidly simple as it is surprisingly hard. Trust me, it will cost you your pride. It can be ego-crushing.

PLEASE NOTE: It’s a dialogue not a pity party. You are not there to go BEG for a second chance.

How to get your Ex back.

Why is this conversation important? You don’t want to be the only one who wants the relationship to be back, do you? Contrary to popular belief, 90% of the time, your ex wants you as bad as you do too but she is as confused, fearful, and proud as you. So, be the bigger person in the picture. Pull the trigger and shoot your shot! Please it’s important that he or she is as interested and committed as you are.
Break-up is heartbreaking, but trying to make a relationship work when the other party is not interested is like a running a marathon with just one leg. It is exhausting! If you don’t stop, you will die! If she is not interested, take your L and move on. Las las you will be alright. If you are willing to make the relationship work after the person shows no interest; then, you don’t need him; you need Self-love and self-awareness. I recommend you read my post on THE CONCEPT OF SELF-LOVE and HOW TO BOOST SELF-LOVE. However, if she is as interested as you, then you move to step number 2.

Step 2 : Make a responsibility list

Responsibility list is a written statement about what you did wrong or could have done better in any transaction. This is impossible if both parties are not fully ready to make things work. Both parties must write down a few things. It’s not a blame game conversation; its a period for personal responsibility, zero excuses or justification. It is just about the right responsibilities.
This is equally a humbling task and it’s only for those who are willing to regain their lost territory. After writing out the list, you can read it out to your partner and promise to be a better version of you in sync with what is written on the list. Once again, this ritual must be mutually executed.

Step 3: Get rid of the past.

How can you go forward looking backward? The past always ruins the beautiful things the future has in stock for us. Stop looking at the past because that is not where you belong. Lugging around guilt, shame, resentment, and self-loathing of the past is self-immolation. Get your ass together and move on as if it never happened. If you can’t forgive yourself or your partner about the past then you don’t need a new relationship. You need a new mind first!

Train yourself not to make reference to the unpleasant incidence of the past. Assume you are dating a new person entirely because you are. Step 1 and 2 should give an adult the ability to make big things happen in this relationship again. You are now a new creature, old things have passed away, behold other things have become new.So, adjust!

How to get your ex back.

Step 4: Write down qualities.

This is one thing I do to keep most of my God-given relationship alive. I suggest you do it as often as you can for those who are important to you. Pay attention to the qualities your partner possesses, and write it down (talk, sing just get it out) and share with them. You must be mad to want to go back to an Ex who doesn’t have any good qualities in the first place. Your why factor exposes his or quality even more to you.
The best of us do not know how valuable we are to humanity because we live in a world that amplifies our imperfections and downside our strengths together with our contributions.

(Proverbs 11:25 KJV):
“The liberal soul shall be made fat: and he that watereth shall be watered also himself.”

Listen up! Do not only list out the qualities, share an example when you see them express such quality to serve others or you. Example given: Don’t just say Daniel is Altruist” you must add the fact that he once gave me every money in his account when he didn’t even have anything left. Many people tell me they love my blog, but I am more blessed by those who tell me how my writing has impacted them positively. You get it now? Yeah!

Step 5 : Set Goals.

Go after the set goals

Relationship without a specific goal is like a stagnant body of water. It will get polluted, and the creatures in it will definitely die. Relationships without direction is ‘Situationship’, and it will end in premium tears eventually.

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How To Handle Rejection

“You have people come into your life shockingly and surprisingly. You have losses that you never thought you’d experience. You have rejection and you have learn how to deal with that and how to get up the next day and go on with it.”–Taylor Swift

Rejection is the proverbial whirlwind that blows nobody any good but sadly we face it often regardless of status, class or gender. I am yet to meet anyone who enjoys rejection. However, some handle rejection better than others and that determines its impacts in our lives.

From the savage response, you receive from your crush after shooting your shoot to rejection letter you receive from the organization you dream to work with, from the disapproval you get from your family when they don’t support the decision to marry the girl of your dream to the vibes you get while trying to generate leads for your new business. Rejection is in many sizes and shapes and it can be very destructive if not properly handled.

A fortnight ago, my cousin told me about an opportunity and enjoined me to apply and I did almost immediately while we patiently awaited the confirmation mail which came just 24 hours after my application. This is what I got:

Hi Olatunji,

Thank you for your interest in joining XYZ We have reviewed your application to join and regret to inform you that we are unable to accept your XYZ registration at this time. Please do not consider this a reflection of your abilities.

This was a huge slap on my ego, but I did allow it to wreak much havoc on my life and mental health which is the product of all mismanaged rejection. Here are the few tips about handling rejection:

  • Do not take it personally:

Rejection letters are often mass-produced. If a company tells you NO you can be sure you are not the only one that got that No and it’s doesn’t matter how customized or tailored the email or letter seems.

Rejection is often general not person so stop personalizing it! In addition, the rejection letter or feedback has nothing to do with you. It’s a product of the perception of the rejector. Why should you ruin your day because of someone opinion which could be stained by a lot of other factors beyond your control?

Just before the lockdown, my business partner and I went to submit a sample in an organization and the woman that attended to us literally trolled us, we almost took it personally until she used the unprintable name on someone else within few minutes. I concluded with pity in my heart that this lady is probably going through a lot of emotional distress and needs some help. My offence simmered into compassion and that really helped.

I have read myriads of rejection letters written to top celebrities and I have concluded that even experts don’t get it sometimes. Did you know that a basketball coach once said, Michael Jordan doesn’t have enough natural attributes to make for a high school team? Can you imagine U2, The Beatles and Madonna were once written off by so-called music executives and managers of top record labels? I don’t care who rejects you, they are probably wrong!

  • React with Curiosity:

“Curiosity is the wick in the candle of learning.”– Williams Authur Ward
Curiosity increases your wisdom and affects your chance if you are trying again or if a similar opportunity comes up. It helps you investigate what really lead to rejection in the first place. It could be that you weren’t prepared enough, it could even be that you were anxious or fearful but can never be because you are not enough. You are always more than enough for anything, any task or for any organization or relationship. It might have to do with what you did or didn’t do but it can never be about who you are. You are Enough!

Immediately I received the XYZ mail, I went to their website and other blogs to read up what could possibly go wrong. Yeah, I even reread their mails four times to gain clarity and I spoken with my cousin about it who provided me with a lot of valuable information about it. Then I discovered the picture I submitted didn’t meet their requirements (they said my eyeballs weren’t pronounced enough), my physical location could be another issue and according to them, they got 10,000 application for the same position on the same day.

A whole lot of factors could be responsible for the rejection but until you are curious enough, you are lightly going to conclude wrongly and give an unhealthy judgement.

The reason she gave you a ‘No’ when you wooed her may be because she doesn’t feel ready for something serious yet not because of your looks. The reason you did not get the contract is likely because the procurement manager was bribed by your competitor and had nothing to do with your pitching or capacity. Yeah, I know curiosity killed the cat but the last time I checked, you are not a cat.

  • Keep knocking:

Law of averages states that the likelihood of an event evens out if the frequency is increased. This means one of the best ways to reduce being rejected is to get more rejections-get used to it – and get less and fewer rejections as you go up the ladder.

This is the secret of the most successful people in the world, they are used to being rejected because they never allowed the fear of being rejected to keep them down. We admire them not because of their extraordinary result but also because they dare to do what we are sacred to do.
Jay Shetty puts it differently when he said, “Being scared of rejection stop us from knocking and because it stops us from knocking, it stops us from success.”

Go and get used to it!

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how to get over a breakup

How TO Get Over A Breakup

The obsession over a past relationship, is one of the obvious signs that the affection lingers and this impacts on people in every love stage, not just singles and those who have recently broken up but also the divorced. Sadly, in recent times, the internet and social media has made it more difficult to move on from an ex after a breakup.