“No more, no less. I’m an idiot. I really need to let this crush go. “
Pittacus Lore, The rise of Nine
A fortnight ago, one of my Kenyan friends and addicted lover of my rants, Musyoka, requested I write and publish an article on this blog. He desperately wants to know how I manage crushes especially while in relationship.
I had to muster courage to scribble this piece. This is the weirdest piece I ever birthed. It’s like asking me to bath unclad on a TV show. Howbeit, if stripping naked would make a friend happy then why not?(lol) .
Musyoka’s persistence and constituency had left me with no choice but to dance to his beats . It is not about what I feel comfortable ranting about all the time. Furthermore, Musyoka is a man of great wisdom and understanding.
I promise to be as sincere and blunt as I can in tackling this sensitive assignment and I trust God to reach out to everyone who will read this piece.
Crush is a strong feeling of romantic love for someone that is usually not expressed and doesn’t last a long time or the person on whom you have a crush, according to the Merriam-Webster dictionary. Crush is like staccato lighting, it doesn’t last forever (what a good news!). It should be noted that, crush can crush you and crash all you had built for years in just some splits of seconds. Howbeit, proper management is of great value and that is what this piece is all about.
Contrary to popular belief, Pastors like the Rockdweller (lol) and folks who are deeply rooted in the church do crush too. In fact they crush harder sometimes when compared to folks outside the church (I think choirs are more anointed in this area). Personally, I think crushing is not a big deal until your crush feels the same.
Crushing is a natural occurrence and we just have to manage it properly. It is as old as land and it was not oblivious to Apostle Paul, his letter to Timothy confirms my thought . He didn’t only speak about the issue but also recommended proper management (fight a good fight of faith) immediately.
1 Timothy 6:9
But they that will be rich fall into temptation and a snare, and into many foolish and hurtful lusts, which drown men in destruction and perdition.
1 Timothy 6:12
Fight the good fight of faith, lay hold on eternal life, whereunto thou art also called, and hast professed a good profession before many witnesses.
For the married and committed, you had chosen, so you are not permitted to bend or fall for any distractions. You must always tell yourself “I have chosen and selected rightly.” However, if you think you married the wrong person, sir, endure the ‘hell’ because his Grace is sufficient for thee even in the furnace. To the unmarried, if you are not sanguine you are with the right person, my brother…FLEE!
When you see your partner as the most valuable player (MVP) in the whole planet, managing your crush becomes easy. This mentality makes your frailty as rigid as the wall of Gibraltar.
Unlike most churchy brethren, the Rockdweller has great affinity for beautiful demoiselle. My attachment for stunning ladies is inborn, I remember I had my first serious crush way back in primary 4, I was about 7 years old (I won’t tell you how it was handled.. Lol).
I crush easily provided I am exposed to someone who meet 95% of my requirements which happens once in a blue moon, God had blessed me with a very high taste in this sphere (from my mother’s womb), which made my specs quite rare in the market of life. Even when we cross path, their wall of defence is always very high which may not be worth breaking(I hope you understand) .
Honestly, I attribute my sanity and clean sheet record over the years to these two factors: 1. God’s Grace 2. My encounter with Proverbs 7(I study Proverbs 7 at least 4-5times a month).
Below are the things I do whenever I choose to swim out of this warm ocean of temptation:
1 . Scrutiny: This is the point where I break her wall of defence completely and begin to scrutinize her closely. This is where poems comes in (the gift of a man makes a way for him.. Lol ), hang out and pull other necessary trigger. I really want to know this daughter of Zion beyond the anatomical contours and physical attributes. How she treats people, how she handles pressure, how critical she is etc. This is where character speaks and reputation keeps mute.
Mostly, the crush is totally quelled at this point. The myriad of character flaws will instantly pull off the veils clouding my eyes and my mental sanity would be automatically restored. However, if I found no serious fault in her, I would run to seek eternal help.
2. Tell some friends: At this juncture, I don’t lean unto my own understanding and judgement anymore , I run to my friends. At this point, I trust them more than my ‘polluted’ emotion and over-stressed brain.
One of my greatest strength in life is the fact that, I can afford to be stupid with my friends. This helps me a lot in my voyage on this huge ship as we move steadily on the oceans of life.
“Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much” James 5:16.
NOTE: If you have only stupid and ungodly friends, they may (most times WILL) push you further into the pit of destruction.
3. Go Weird: When I sense, I am wrongly attached to a lady, (I mean, when I have a ‘right’ emotional attachment towards a wrong person), I go to her, sit her down and explain exactly how I feel and give her strong reason why I can’t cross the line of agape. This isn’t wise in all cases but I tried it a few times and it worked.
Tell,your crush how heavenly your relationship is , how angelic your partner and finally how stupid you feel wrestling with crushing on another person. I warn you, this is not for everyone.
(The connections must be so strong from both parties and the green light must be switched very very obvious)
4. Go to the Rock: This is the most effective tactics known to believers. Sadly, most believers ignore this indispensable weapon. Out of ignorance, they think God doesn’t really care about their emotional well-being.
Turning to God only when push comes to shove isn’t only unhealthy but also a very unsafe route to ply. When you are trapped in the Web of your emotions, pray about it, Speak to yourself, and cast the mountain to the nearest sea.
Personally, I include my crush’s name in my confession, I speak to my emotions, telling my emotions to align with God’s plan for my life and respect itself (I say that repeatedly everyday). Nothing works like this!
From Experience, Your crush may have a role to play in your life (or vice versa) in the future. More reasons you have to make sure you properly manage the surge of your emotions. Else we allow today’s mistake truncate future destiny.
Your Jesus’ Parrot,
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