“To fall in love is human, to breakup is divine.”– Olatunji Rockdweller
Falling in love is a wonder. You don’t need anyone’s permission or help to jump into the ocean of love. Just like a blink, it freaking happens. However, breaking up from someone you once loved (or still love), is like swimming in a stormy ocean with your arms tied; you need all the help and support you can possibly get. In my opinion, knowing how to breakup from someone, is one of the most important social skills in this generation. Yeah, I have mastered it and I will teach you.
A relationship involving two human beings should not be perfect because mortals aren’t flawless. However, you should not spend your time, energy and resources trying to cope with toxic relationships of any kind. I have met people who can barely breathe in their relationships because their partner’s knee is constantly on their neck trying to squeeze the life out of them. Hey dearie, your life matters!!!
I have seen great minds being held captive in their losses and found no pleasure or even solace in their own existence in that they thought that losing their life was a preferable option. Yeah, it’s that serious.
Any relationship that constantly attacks your esteem, worth and freedom is an abusive one. Toxic people are emotional jailers. Even though their victims know they are in a horrible prison, they do not know how to break free and this is truly sad. They yearned for things to be different, for time to roll back but knew it couldnt. More reason I am writing this badass jailbreaking code. Read it as if your life depends on it because it does.
How to breakup with someone
A prison is designed to restrict and tame people who the society can’t handle. It’s impossible to fulfil purpose as a prisoner. Breaking up with a toxic soul requires the kind of skill, information, and a certain mindset that is employed when planning a jail break/exit. There is a way not to breakup else, you will leave wounded and broken. For this reason, some are broken, bitter and are being haunted by the ghost of their past relationships.
Here are the few simple steps that can be applied when breaking up with someone:
Tell your inner circle:
God did not create us to function in isolation. Woe unto a man who has no inner circle for the day it rains on his parade, he will have not a choice but to swim in the pool of his depression. Being a one man squad is not a sign of strength, in fact, it echoes your insecurity. Its godly to have friends so get some. Always remember the first step of having a friend is being one. (Proverbs 18:24)
Immediately you feel the need to break out of the prison of a toxic relationship, talk to at least two persons in your inner circle (out of the mouth of two or three, the truth is established). Let the conversation be plain and honest. To benefit from this system, you must allow humility and vulnerability to guide you. Remember, captives don’t wear designers, they wear uniforms.
You probably had branded this same person as an angel from heaven to your friends but it’s okay to tell them your new discoveries while preserving their dignity and honour such as saying; It’s not her/his fault, it’s mine, “He didn’t change from who he used to be, you probably just awakened and more aware of what you signed up for”. No excuse! Be responsible even while seeking help. Trust me, this is magical if done well
Reflect on their values and honour them:
Don’t let your pains blind you from seeing the good in her or him. You probably saw something (even if it’s her anatomical contours) in her before you decided she is needed in your life. Only a retarded soul wants what is useless. And if you discovered she lacks what you thought she had from the beginning then it’s still your fault. Don’t blame someone’s daughter or son for your blindness.
Everything God created has value so look for those values and appreciate them, vocalise them too while telling your friends about her even while delivering your breakup speech. It’s demonic to make people feel useless just because you are done with them. Appreciate the books she added to your library, thank her for the fact that she improved your culinary skills. Make sure you mean every word you speak to her at that moment. Flattery is abusive. This applies to him as well.
Even the devil has value. The Bible talks about his musical mastery and beauty. Even though the relationship became toxic and God had to kick him out of heaven, God still spoke about the glory and beauty and ensures it is recorded in the Bible forever. I doubt if he or she is that bad.
How to breakup with someone
Reflect on what you lost:
This is supposed to be easy because it’s the reason you want to breakup in the first place. However, you don’t know how much you have lost until you really reflect and document. This helps you see the breakup as a breakthrough and gives you more courage to drop whoever is causing you pain like hot iron. This will also help you never to haunt your ex like a ghost and not wishing to have her back. Make sure you have your ‘Why’ inked out.
Note: This doesn’t have to reflect in your ‘goodbye speech’.
Reflect on your own shortcomings:
This part is an extremely important part that waters your growth in life and a future relationship. The next person coming should not meet the same person your ex left. You should be a better man or woman. We are all bags of flaws. However, we become whole after going through the ocean of Grace. Knowing your weakness is another form of strength. It gives you information about what to pray about, read about and work on. If you are one of those ‘Love me as I am’ gang, you should not be on my blog (I am not sorry). Expecting someone to love you as you are when you are not ready to grow, is like outsourcing God’s role in your life to a human and that is crazy! Only God has such capacity!
Note: Everything God creates grows and so should you.
Set Deadline :
I know this might sound strange to many people, but I do this anytime I want to end anything worth ending. From breakup, to dropping my resignation letter, I set a deadline. I choose a date to enable me mentally, emotionally and spiritually prepare for it. If you don’t set deadlines, your will be tempted to listen to the roaring noise of your fear, and you keep postponing the inevitable.
Script or Voice Record:
I don’t do this, but I recommend it if you are not like me. This enables you to access what you want to say and how you want to say it. It helps you gain wisdom and stability in handling such a difficult discussion. Breakups are executed on hot seats and you might need to be prepared.
I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. If you do, Kindly let me know in the comments section.