Written by Olatunji Rockdweller
Edited by Olaoluwa Wordlord
Pre-marital pressure /desperation is a popular topic among our present day youth especially the females. It’s a whirlwind which has blown anyone no good over the years. I have decided to use this platform and opportunity to delve into this sensitive topic and air my personal view on the matter.Before we go a bit deeper into the topic, kindly permit me to revise and refresh your senses of the meaning and scope of marriage.
Marriage can be defined as the act of loving an imperfect person, perfectly for the rest of your life. I am yet to see a better definition of this eternal institution Marriage is between a man and a Woman (not boo and bae),it should be noted that no marriage is perfect even as no mortal is absolutely blameless,so seeking a perfect spouse or marriage is like trying to reach the bottom of a bottomless pit(though imperfection is in levels and stratas) . Marriage is the only institution where nobody expects you to graduate-it’s logical and reasonable enough,that certificates are being issued on the very day of admission(wedding) . If you aren’t fit for it , then you trust God for grace to perfectly endure and adjust to the self-induced burden without breaking,for the rest of your life, and if you are “lucky” enough to get it right then you thank your star as you cruise on and learn more as time ticks. Marriage can be an intriguing and fun-filled yet can be the loneliest Island in the world. If you choose to give in to the pressures of life and find yourself in a wrong marriage , I sincerely bleed for you because you might just have taken off for a journey you might never return and if you do return by grace or miracle, then certainly you will never be the same again!marriage can be heaven on earth but if not well prepared for, it maybe just slightly more tormentous than hell. People who are so desperate to get married and would rather marry anybody just for marriage sake, are either insane or ignorant of what marriage entails the most cases they are both. At this juncture let’s discuss just a few categories of pre-marital pressure .
1. SOCIETAL : We live in an unfair society that keeps mounting unnecessary pressure on folks who haven’t gotten married at a particular age in their lives, even the churches where consolation is expected and hope is supposed to be restored are even worse, they tell you something is wrong with you by drafting you into “special” affinity group -that can make you feel as if you are as old as the hills sometimes.
I understand perfectly how it feels and I equally agree that early marriage can be cool and wonderful, especially when certain factors play out as planned. But if fate denies you the luxury of early marriage then don’t break a sweat on that dear; that shouldn’t and can’t define you,remember what is worth having is worth waiting for my dear friend, God always makes everything beautiful in his own time (not yours) .
I will strongly advise here that at this stage of your life, your look shouldn’t reflect your age “biko” (you are expected to look younger). I saw a picture of a nollywood actress (Clarion chuckuka) on the Internet few days back and she is still super cute even at 51,why are you looking like a 35 year old sister when you are only 27? Please and please my sister do whatever you have to do to look youthful and trending, even if it’s gonna take you hitting the gym and burn out those “ungodly”fats, if you must wear make-up pls get a good make up artists (You can contact me cos I have a few good ones as friends#biz.. Lol) so you don’t end up looking like a demon looking for someone to possess . Lastly I feel your dress sense is got a lot to do at this stage of your life, just look good for your God and yourself, not ‘cos your are desperately hoping for a man to come into your life, know exactly styles that fit your body, you must not promote your church and denomination with your dressing and look.(you are a lady not a logo).You can flaunt what you have and still be modest.
2. Parental/Family: This can be pesky and pestilential in this part of the world. My cousins and siblings know pretty well that I am guilty of this particular crime though(cos I wanna wear white and eat rice). Home is supposed to be the balm to our broken heart and families are expected to be our fountain of consolation whenever we feel defeated and subdued but in most homes, its just the exact opposite . Some parents are bags of frustrating questions and they will unleash them on you in the most ferocious manner like, when are you getting married? Who is the lucky man? Don’t we deserve to be grandparents? Do you think something isn’t wrong with you? Do we need to see our pastor on your behalf ? Are they coming around at all or you haven’t find you type?aren’t you suppose to be in your husband’s house by now? on and on and on.
Remember dearie, nobody is strong enough to push you into a wrong hands and nobody is powerful enough to get you married unprepared. Non of your parents or family members will marry your spouse with you, they can only pay you visits occasionally. If you yield to their pressure and go marry a “beast” as your husband it will become you personal journey and private burden, in fact you family members will give you so much distance, they will draw solace from the aphorism “we choose to respect your privacy”. Finally my beloved, follow your heart not your family. People that are led by their inner being are called SONS of God
3. Self-induced pressure : Some ladies don’t need anybody or society to mount pressure on them, they are actually living “pressure pots”they are professionals when it comes to inflicting themselves, they compare themselves with friends and colleagues. Immediately they attend few weddings of their close friends, ‘pick up’ by Adekunle Gold becomes their daily anthem. Even the devil will wonder at the level of havoc the are capable of wrecking in their own lives with their own hands, what a self immolation!
My panoramic view ; “But they, measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise “(2cor10:12). Unwise is just a more executive way of calling someone a fool. If Paul calls such people fools, who am I to counter his authority?, If you fall into this category then you need to ask God for wisdom and I am very sure he will grant you in immeasurable measures . Faithful men don’t get attracted to foolish folks. #Selah
In summary : it’s purely natural that everyday you are getting older and it may seems you are running out of dream, but don’t allow your dreams to run out of you and never assume everything is lost. Pressure is just there to bring out the diamond in the dust and bring out the treasure within you. “As man thinks in his heart so is he” according to Proverb 27:3,let me break it down a bit,it simply means, your life navigates towards your dominant thought. If you think you are too old at 30 then who am I to tell you otherwise? process positive thoughts and discard the thoughts your environment is imposing on you into the trash bin of life. Bowing to the pressure of life keeps you on the verge of disaster that may well be irretriveable.
I strongly believe no force is strong enough to reconfigure you into a modern desperado. Great men(Like us) don’t fall victims of desperate ladies who are clueless about what they really want, and don’t you forget that, virtuous ladies and faithful men are not always expecting a radio presenter to hook them up with a another confused partner at the other side, pardon my bluntness dear – great minds don’t even listen to such valueless programs.
Finally, posterity will not judge you by your age or your reasons for marriage but by the quality of your marriage. You may forget everything I wrote today but never forget this: the best you can get when you are in a haste is a waste. The only difference between haste and waste is just letter H and W(H =Husband and W=Wife). That makes sense to me though.