MARRY ME NOW OR I DIE!

A Few weeks ago, my team in church decided to break out of the jail of noise, stress and every draining factor that weigh people down in the city and we headed for a camp meeting in one of the most serene locations I have ever visited. Almost immediately after arrival, we all dived into the sea of spiritual rebirth, some got drowned and a few others got lost. In all, we returned more energized and empowered. For a fact, the planning as well as execution was excellent; topnotch accommodation, good quality food served in very large quantity as well (my love for food though…lol), and also, sensational and seasoned ministers to set us on course. The event was livestreamed being that some team members were out of the country or unavoidably absent. In one sentence, it was a five-star event! According to the time-table, day 2 (5:00-6:15 am), happened to be what I tagged “moment of segregation”. The married were expected to go on a prayer walk (a combo of spiritual and physical fitness) while the unmarried were supposed to gather in a place to pray. My initial plan was to go on the walk with the married folks but Victor (Bro Victor sounds more correct to some spiritual folks though), labeled it as an act of rebellion, pride, deceit etc. So, I decided to be a good dude.

Arriving at the venue to be used for prayers by the singles, I noticed most of the ladies wore a very virtuous and courteous demeanor: probably the strategic part of their church mind told them they might be standing next to their Mr. Right. I could read despair on peoples’ faces as they passionately and violently banged heaven’s gate with the body language that I could only interpret as “give me a husband (or wife) now or I die!” In as much as the presence of God was evident, more evident was the despondency of his children, the cloud of desperation was as thick as an Italian duvet and I almost choked to death, but mercy said no. I saw tears meandering down some makeup free faces as some sisters walked themselves into miracle marriages (they literally convulsed), as well, I heard brothers prophetically declaring their wedding date as some men of God led us through this dramatic session. Everybody’s marital goal suddenly switched to the next 365 days as they all cried: “by this time next year I must be settled!”. I wished I could yell that “THE BEST TIME TO SETTLE DOWN IS NOW THAT YOU ARE UNMARRIED. IF YOU THINK MARRIAGE IS A PLATFORM OF SETTLEMENT, THEN YOU ARE A JOKER. MARRIAGE IS SETTLED WHEN TWO SETTLED UNMARRIED FOLKS ARE INVOLVED. ANYTHING ELSE IS TROUBLED WATER. TAKE HEED, ELSE THOU SHALL BREAKDOWN AND GO DOWN”.

In my opinion, if you are desperate to get married, then you do not understand the concept of marriage, neither do you understand the dynamics of the war you are about to start. Desperation only attracts wrong people into your life. Since I was born and now I am getting old, I have never seen a desperado get it right in marriage. Never! Marriage is like driving, you wanna make it fun and fulfilling, then acquire the necessary skills. If you are inexperienced behind the wheel you cannot differentiate between the pedals, accelerator, brake and in some cases, the clutch and this is suicidal irrespective of your age or the bank account of your spirituality. For there is a way that seems right unto a man or woman, but the end thereof is destruction. I often ask myself, why are folks so anxious to die? Show me a man or a woman who is desperate to get married and I will show you a victim of societal pressure who is unprepared about the very thing she is asking for.

Permit me to go numeric and bore your with statistics , 147 unmarried folks attended a meeting (out of the approximately 600 people in attendance), and when Pastor K asked us to indicate how many of us are certain that we are not ready to settle down in the next 365 days, I waved with both hands and the brother standing by me did the same. Trust me, I saw nobody else raise their hands. The effect of this is :100-0.0138% =99.9862%. As such, I am expected to eat rice at 145 venues in the next 365 days (2.517 weddings per day); just one department, just one sphere of my life (I still have families, friends, bloggers, colleagues, neighbors just to mention a few). Believe me, the next one year is going to be very busy for me and please forgive me in advance if I struggle to publish as few as 10 pieces during this time frame. ‘Team owambe’ on the fleek! As the meeting continued, Brother Larry (not his real name) mentioned by the inspiration of the Holy Spirit that some folks among us had attempted suicide because of this life partner/marital saga. He encouraged them to step forward for prayers while he sternly instructed with that familiar religious phrase: “All heads bow and all eyes closed.” Naturally, I am allergic to that sentence and consequently, whenever I hear it, my eyelids become rigid and my neck turns in various directions, and I do the exact opposite no matter how hard I try, and that day wasn’t any different. So, I saw 8 folks (6 cute ladies and two lads) fall into the center of the circle we had formed as we held hands. At this point, I was slightly confused. How on earth would anyone want to take his own life? How would you convince God that you took your own life because he was trying to keep you away from wrecking some destinies (or vice versa) all in the name of marriage? Does your bible say “for without marriage, it is impossible to please God or be fulfilled?” If you are contemplating suicide because you are unmarried at a particular age (and I don’t care if you are 80), or because of family or societal pressure, what would you do if you are caught in the web of a turbulent marriage where you have a mother-in-law that is a monster, or where your position in the family is threatened due to infertility? I think I know the answer; genocide (you will kill everyone and everything). Now, we both know the reason God is afraid to entrust a home into your care and leadership.

The pastors and leaders’ thoughts were far from mine just as the heaven is far from the earth; they graciously prayed for them after which they returned to their positions before others could open their eyes. Somehow, I felt (and still feel) they would be more impacted and delivered if only someone could tell them after the meeting that the concept of marriage in their mind is either overrated or totally wrong. Marital bliss is rare and sometimes overhyped. To make a marriage truly work, you need capacity and you don’t build it in marriage, you do that while you are unmarried.

I Corinthians 7:26-28 Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for a man to remain as he is. Are you pledged to a woman? Do not seek to be released. Are you free from such a commitment? Do not look for a wife. But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.

Beloved, marriage is not for sissies of an age range, it is for folks who are in the center of God-given purpose for their lives, those who really need helpers and those who are helpers themselves. Marriage is for people who are maximizing their gifts, talents and resources to be a blessing to humanity. People who are assets to God and humanity.

Beloved, one shall put a thousand to flight and two shall chase ten thousand. How many lives are you touching? How many people are you influencing? How many adversaries are you chasing? If you cannot answer these questions succinctly, you might be one of those who are being chased by the beast of life, and I can boldly say that you are unfit for marriage? These are some of the factors to consider before the thoughts of marriage begin to seethe the corridors of your desperate mind. Your age, body size and shape or societal voices should not be a yardstick to determine your readiness to say “I do”. If you are one of the great minds putting a thousand enemy to flight, I don’t think you would have enough time to be depressed about this minor issue. If you must be depressed at all as a believer, there are better things to invest that energy in. Nehemiah was depressed because of the wall: locate your own wall and start building. Life is too short, please learn to live it well. I stand to be corrected, but I say it with all humility and sadness of heart: this kind of ‘I must marry now now’ prayer meeting is purely cultural and anti-scriptural. It is unhealthy and highly poisonous to the entire body of Christ (my heart just raced now because I feel I just spoke like a pastor). I understand many of us are victims of societal pressures which are heavy and real. However, I think we have healthier societal pressure which many of us (even the church) ignore while we run to embrace a toxic, self-immolating, self-glorifying ones. The bible says the society are groaning, quaking and patiently waiting for our manifestation. I think we should care more about manifesting via our skills, talents and purposes instead of disturbing heaven about life partners. If you are not part of the manifesting soldiers, then you should be depressed, and your depression should inspire you to be more valuable. I encourage you to channel your prayers and energy to more productive activities and tasks.

Thanks so much for stopping by…. It’s quite a long piece and I hope you enjoyed it. Please let me know what you think via the comment section and share with your friends if you think it is worth it.

59 thoughts on “MARRY ME NOW OR I DIE!”

  1. Mehn especially with the female folks, I really can’t tell if it’s pressure from parents or something.. But some people think marriage is the answer to all of their problems..
    In this our Buhari times, even the map folks are not smiling.
    I had a conservation with my immediate elder bro, and he said to me “I can’t marry a girl who isn’t working or doesn’t have handwork”

    I enjoyed reading dear👍👍👍

  2. Mehn especially with the female folks, I really can’t tell if it’s pressure from parents or something.. But some people think marriage is the answer to all of their problems..
    In this our Buhari times, even the map folks are not smiling.
    I had a conservation with my immediate elder bro, and he said to me “I can’t marry a girl who isn’t working or doesn’t have handwork”

    I enjoyed reading dear👍👍👍

  3. this piece is the bomb!!! just yesterday I was discussing something similar with my best friend…there is this friend I have that this time last year her prayer was “by this time next year I must be married” and she is still not..and I keep wondering for how long will she continue saying this prayer.I really need her to read this piece…she needs to focus on herself and stop thinking marriage. And I really need you to write a piece in parents pushing their female children to get married like we don’t have dreams and all…Someone invited us for a wedding and i was like ‘oh mum am going for the reception not the church’ and she was like ‘ the church is the real deal so you can use thst opportunity to pray for husband so that i can start making preparations for your wedding” She has even picked my wedding color and no boyfriend talkless husband-to-be.
    Thank you so much for this piece😙

  4. this piece is the bomb!!! just yesterday I was discussing something similar with my best friend…there is this friend I have that this time last year her prayer was “by this time next year I must be married” and she is still not..and I keep wondering for how long will she continue saying this prayer.I really need her to read this piece…she needs to focus on herself and stop thinking marriage. And I really need you to write a piece in parents pushing their female children to get married like we don’t have dreams and all…Someone invited us for a wedding and i was like ‘oh mum am going for the reception not the church’ and she was like ‘ the church is the real deal so you can use thst opportunity to pray for husband so that i can start making preparations for your wedding” She has even picked my wedding color and no boyfriend talkless husband-to-be.
    Thank you so much for this piece😙

  5. This post is head on and right on spot even though its long. And I should say, Weldone.

    My crush would say, “marriage is overrated” and somehow, I’ve learnt to say that too. It’s really saddening how our society has made getting married a big deal even when not everyone is made for it.

    The responsibilities attached to marriage is overwhelming; beyond our dreams and fantasies, save for God’s grace. But everyone wants it. Haha! Everyone wants to get married! And marriage for me is fucking scary!

    I mean, the uncertainties of marriage is greater than that of a career. I know if I mix hydrogen and oxygen, I’m going to get water. But, that doesn’t apply in human relationships. The oxygen you knew yesterday is probably a nitrogen today. So, when I add hydrogen and get ammonia, I’m wondering how that happened.

    Marriage is explosive.

    Nevertheless, I believe in love. I believe love worketh all things.

  6. This post is head on and right on spot even though its long. And I should say, Weldone.

    My crush would say, “marriage is overrated” and somehow, I’ve learnt to say that too. It’s really saddening how our society has made getting married a big deal even when not everyone is made for it.

    The responsibilities attached to marriage is overwhelming; beyond our dreams and fantasies, save for God’s grace. But everyone wants it. Haha! Everyone wants to get married! And marriage for me is fucking scary!

    I mean, the uncertainties of marriage is greater than that of a career. I know if I mix hydrogen and oxygen, I’m going to get water. But, that doesn’t apply in human relationships. The oxygen you knew yesterday is probably a nitrogen today. So, when I add hydrogen and get ammonia, I’m wondering how that happened.

    Marriage is explosive.

    Nevertheless, I believe in love. I believe love worketh all things.

  7. I love every bit of this. We must be more concerned about building ourselves and living a life of impact the getting married. Getting married is good, but doing that confused and desperate is disastrous. Before you find a bae or boo, find you.

  8. I love every bit of this. We must be more concerned about building ourselves and living a life of impact the getting married. Getting married is good, but doing that confused and desperate is disastrous. Before you find a bae or boo, find you.

  9. Excellent piece sir. I almost dropped “open letter to my daughter” as my favourite but quickly caught myself, lol.
    The marriage fiasco in this country especially in the church is best described as comedy to avoid heart attack. I’ve had to teach myself to bridle my tongue even when I have the most polite yet savage response when I’m asked when I’ll get married by bold monitoring spirits. I think majority of the problem is from the parent folk. Everybody needs to read this piece. This is definitely one of your best sir. Keep it coming. Pls sir, write for them let me reciprocate all those ” well meaning” WhatsApp bc’s. God bless you plenty

  10. It is true that a woman should learn to focus on adding value to herself rather than wallow away in self pity regarding her unmarried status. However, I totally understand why a woman would get depressed from being unmarried. Have you tasted loneliness? Once in a while a person craves to be with her special someone.The love, the intimacy in marriage.. This is something most single women crave for. And they can’t get it with anyone except that special someone. Asides the part of peer pressure and society, some women are sexual beings, what makes them happy is love. And this is why they’ll get depressed if they do not get it. So take it easy on them biko. Haven’t you even noticed that teachers who are close to 40 and are unmarried are very frustrated and wicked? This is what loneliness can do to a person. So leave them to pray and prophesy.

    1. This is such a great insight dearie. Thanks so much for stopping by. However, I think if we are truly in center of God’s purpose for our lives. The loneliness part if the equation would be taken care of. Marriage can be very very lonely sometimes too. So we have to be careful what we are asking for.
      God bless you richly and Wishing you a productive week ahead

  11. It is true that a woman should learn to focus on adding value to herself rather than wallow away in self pity regarding her unmarried status. However, I totally understand why a woman would get depressed from being unmarried. Have you tasted loneliness? Once in a while a person craves to be with her special someone.The love, the intimacy in marriage.. This is something most single women crave for. And they can’t get it with anyone except that special someone. Asides the part of peer pressure and society, some women are sexual beings, what makes them happy is love. And this is why they’ll get depressed if they do not get it. So take it easy on them biko. Haven’t you even noticed that teachers who are close to 40 and are unmarried are very frustrated and wicked? This is what loneliness can do to a person. So leave them to pray and prophesy.

    1. This is such a great insight dearie. Thanks so much for stopping by. However, I think if we are truly in center of God’s purpose for our lives. The loneliness part if the equation would be taken care of. Marriage can be very very lonely sometimes too. So we have to be careful what we are asking for.
      God bless you richly and Wishing you a productive week ahead

  12. Awwwww,it really came at the right time.one thing we have to understand is that we came from different wombs and my destiny and another’s can never be the same.Am grateful to God for this piece he gave us through you,indeed no place in the holy book that reads without marriage it is impossible to please God.Tnx dear,my life is transformed.

  13. Awwwww,it really came at the right time.one thing we have to understand is that we came from different wombs and my destiny and another’s can never be the same.Am grateful to God for this piece he gave us through you,indeed no place in the holy book that reads without marriage it is impossible to please God.Tnx dear,my life is transformed.

  14. Always spot on…. Who rocks? Team Rockdweller!!! Great piece Sir. A lot of people(male and female alike), need to hear this. Personally, my mum knows better than to hound me with the pressure of getting married. She knows for sure that i would be missing her calls more often if she does….lol

  15. Always spot on…. Who rocks? Team Rockdweller!!! Great piece Sir. A lot of people(male and female alike), need to hear this. Personally, my mum knows better than to hound me with the pressure of getting married. She knows for sure that i would be missing her calls more often if she does….lol

  16. “Naturally, I am allergic to that sentence and consequently, whenever I hear it, my eyelids become rigid and my neck turns in various directions, and I do the exact opposite no matter how hard I try, and that day wasn’t any different.”….this got me laughing out loudddd.

    See ehhhh its pure wisdom that maketh a man/woman know that purpose out way marriage.

    I feel desperate people should be arrested because they are the reasons we got lots of torn homes today.

    Half baked men taking in half baked girls who then produce un-cooked children. No wonder the society is becoming stale.

    Its just sad that there is no body governing the operations of a homes…it was suppose to be the church…but too bad they aren’t doing their home work.

    Men’s association talk more of business than how to be a rightful husband.

    Lemme come and be going…I love your figurative mehn. Awesome

  17. “Naturally, I am allergic to that sentence and consequently, whenever I hear it, my eyelids become rigid and my neck turns in various directions, and I do the exact opposite no matter how hard I try, and that day wasn’t any different.”….this got me laughing out loudddd.

    See ehhhh its pure wisdom that maketh a man/woman know that purpose out way marriage.

    I feel desperate people should be arrested because they are the reasons we got lots of torn homes today.

    Half baked men taking in half baked girls who then produce un-cooked children. No wonder the society is becoming stale.

    Its just sad that there is no body governing the operations of a homes…it was suppose to be the church…but too bad they aren’t doing their home work.

    Men’s association talk more of business than how to be a rightful husband.

    Lemme come and be going…I love your figurative mehn. Awesome

  18. It’s so obvious that this piece is a blessing to so many based on comments and now am one of the blessed people and I have beaten myself twice for staying this long before receiving this blessing due to late reading of the piece… Indeed life doesn’t begin and end in marriage…… Building onself should not be overlooked….we actually have a lot to give to Life and our society at large by adding value… Marriage is definitely blessed but it’s not to be rushed…. God bless you Rockdweller!!!!! Every word and sentence in this piece was a memorable journey….. despite the length lolzzz…..💜💜💜

  19. It’s so obvious that this piece is a blessing to so many based on comments and now am one of the blessed people and I have beaten myself twice for staying this long before receiving this blessing due to late reading of the piece… Indeed life doesn’t begin and end in marriage…… Building onself should not be overlooked….we actually have a lot to give to Life and our society at large by adding value… Marriage is definitely blessed but it’s not to be rushed…. God bless you Rockdweller!!!!! Every word and sentence in this piece was a memorable journey….. despite the length lolzzz…..💜💜💜

  20. Excellent and absolutely spot on!! This couldn’t have come at a better time. People think marriage will make them happy or complete just because of societal pressure and what have you. Most people wanna get married just because their friends are married. People now see marriage as a competition thereby jumping into marriage not knowing the rules, what they want and where they are going and consequently causing problems in the society.

  21. A very long read I must say. Most ladies forget why they desire to get married timely I believe. I think it’s due to society’s wants that cause them to make a time frame for themselves. I mean this with regards to those that say “by this time next year” rather than pray to be shown to them God’s choice for them at the moment.

    There are a lot more people that trap themselves into ungodly marriages for the rush to attain the married status. They end up unhappy afterwards

    Idle head

  22. A very long read I must say. Most ladies forget why they desire to get married timely I believe. I think it’s due to society’s wants that cause them to make a time frame for themselves. I mean this with regards to those that say “by this time next year” rather than pray to be shown to them God’s choice for them at the moment.

    There are a lot more people that trap themselves into ungodly marriages for the rush to attain the married status. They end up unhappy afterwards

    Idle head

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