Self Poisoning 

We have the luxury to choose the quality and quantity of seed to be sown in the fertile soil of our lives. However, we have no control on the quality and quantity of fruits they(seeds) produce.” – Olatunji Rockdweller

Few nights ago, my boss had something special to celebrate, so he invited few of us to a hangout just a stone’s throw from our office. I gladly graced the special gathering with my presence and it turned out to be a night of great lesson for me. I learnt my lesson in a bizarre way.

I have been soaked in teetotalism for a while now, not because of any religious compulsion instead a way of enforcing some level of discipline and in turn evolve a better man, thank God for his sufficient grace. However,I had broken the vow a few times(I think twice) though but that night (19th of September 2016) was the last stroke that finally broke the camel’s back.

I chose to indulge myself after a while of abstinence. I ordered liquor and many foreheads were creased in astonishment(I didn’t just give a damn). I thought the gulps and swigs were going to be within my immediate control, little did I know, I just believed a lie. My body had adjusted to a more ‘religious’ form; I even reached out to another bottle of Andre on a friend’s table (mixture is a terrible drinking habit) . I prolly put much trust in my old time stamina.

After a while, I started to manifest earnestly like Michael Jackson performing in front a blaring crowd. Thoughts began to apply a rousing series of knocks on the door of my soul. My sanity dwindled as the volume of the liquid caged in those bottles reduced and finally disappeared. From ankle-deep to the knees height, it rose to my chest region and finally I was buried completely in the mess. I literally felt the toxins navigating through my veins. Unfortunately, it was too late to do anything about it (so much poison in my system), even coming to a halt couldn’t restore my mental health. The Rockdweller slid off the noble cliff and started ranting for free. For a while my brain was dethroned by the weak and volatile liquid cocked tightly within the impermeable skin of a transparent material. “If you drink any deadly thing it shall by no means hurt you” was invalid on this fateful night (maybe because I had a choice to do otherwise). Indeed wine is a mocker!

Stephen(a wonderful brother and a great friend) became my Northern star to guide me when darkness shrouded my vision. He turned my compass point to stabilize my direction. I was totally vulnerable yet much protected. God bless you richly blood!

To everyone reading this piece right now, I am emphatically sorry for the disappointment and the gross display of my irresponsibility. I promise, such drama won’t replay itself. I actually scribed this based on few reasons:

1. You occupy a special place in my heart as my families, friends, lovers and ‘tribe’. You are simply priceless! Like my grandmother said “Home is a place where you run to when your imperfections become your boss.” This is home!

2. I feel it’s OK to display my imperfections sometimes, even as God works in me daily. And I do hope we can learn even from my flaws.

3. I just have to tell you first before you read it on Linda Ikeji blog or before it becomes a national news (as a public Figure.. Lol ).

Once again I apologize for my misconduct. However,I learnt my lesson and you would surely see a better me evolve even as the earth revolves round the sun.

We have the luxury to choose the quality and quantity of seed to be sown in the fertile soil of our lives. However, we have no control on the quality and quantity of fruits they(seeds) produce. If we choose poison we face the music. It’s inevitable!

Life poison often occur in different forms, permit me to mention a few:

1. Diet Poisons: Your diet is either going to function as your medicine or your poison. Our body was designed to work perfectly and be self-healing. We often screw it up through indulgence and lack of knowledge.

Consuming sugar (whether in a slice of cake or can of coke), alcohol, tobacco, junks often deposit volume of toxins into our body and systems. These account for 98% of life style diseases such as Obesity, High cholesterol, Hypertension, Cancer, stroke, heart disease, diabetes etc according to World Health Organization. Personally, I feel this is the mildest form of life poison yet the most attacked. Mine on that fateful night fell in this category.

2. Friendship and Relationship Poison: We are either in the right relationship or in a wrong one. You either have friends or friendly foes. Wrong choices in this very sensitive area of our lives can cost us more than we can afford and keep us farther than planned.

You need friends who can confront and challenge, who can say hard things that must be said from time to time. If you only have cheerleaders as your friends, then you will not be forced to face the flaws in your own character that need addressing. Take a moment and count the friends in your life who have the authority and nerves to say hard things to you because they care for you and your growth in life. You need a relationship that can birth greatness in you and help you fulfil your purpose in life. (Selah)

3. Media Poison: This has got to do with every piece of information we allow into our system and life. “Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.(Proverbs 4:23),” Reading novels that would uncaps your sexual hormones isn’t a wise decision. Music and movies that can only infest our lives with negative ‘stuffs’ should be avoided.Flee!

I have abstained from Radio, TV and every conversation that would tilt my mind towards believing in recession and other unhealthy news. I don’t want these bad news to have a grip on my life(like the liquor did). So, I have to resist anything that ushers in their lies into my lofty soul . We shouldn’t allow any information that can blur the clarity of our vision. Avoid being fed with the poison called ‘Impossibility.’ I saw this inscription some weeks ago “I don’t believe in ‘impossible’, even the word impossible is screaming I’m possible!” The good book says “Resist the Devil!”

As for me, I am going to spend the rest of my year detoxifying my body, soul and spirit. I am solely responsible for my life. So, I am going to burnout the ungodly fats in my system (If I have at all),choose my friends wisely and eat healthier.

I choose to be free and totally independent this month and beyond. I don’t know about you though.

Happy Independent Day to my Nigerian Readers! Nigeria shall be saved, Nigeria shall be changed and Nigeria shall be great again in our life time.

God bless Nigeria!

Olatunji Rockdweller.
Please, I would like to hear from you through the comments section.

25 thoughts on “Self Poisoning ”

  1. Hmm. . .

    Thank you Rockdweller for making us see your imperfections. And yeah, this is home. We’re glad you found your way here and you’re rising above your flaws. #hugs

    Sometimes our overconfidence is what leads into gulping poison our system subconsciously. We owe ourselves some forms of responsibility. And we must be deliberate about it.

    Thanks for this. God bless you Bro.

  2. So much lesson in a LESSON. God help us to learn from our mistakes and those of others and also apply wisdom. God bless you Sir for this wisdom to share.

  3. still amazed, so many experience this but not many have the courage to do what you just did.

    Difference btw a man with wisdom and a man without is that the latter allows his mistakes overshadow him but the former overcomes His mistakes. May God fill u and us with the Strength to overcome any mistake.

    1. It’s actually Grace dear. When you know how much God loves you and has forgive you, people’s opinion will not count any more and you will be bold. We are all work in progress and Grace has made us perfect and righteousness before the Father. Sharing make it easier cos nobody loves me like JESUS. #Grace #forgiven#Loved#Grateful

  4. Rock dweller, this is inspirational. I appreciate God for the courage to put this together.
    Actually, one of the reasons some Christians don’t go far is that most of these our “MEN OF GOD” they keep on telling us of the things they have done, how that they killed Goliath, how they are so spiritually buoyant…
    But they wouldn’t let us know thatat some point in their lifetime they made one mistake or the other. Now if a BELIEVER happens to fall into this kind of trap, they feel condemned, rejected and this feeling of “am not worth it”.
    When the Bible says confess your sins to one another, it didn’t say that to condemn anyone but so that through it, men can be helped overtime.
    Thanks for this bro.
    God help us all…
    Meet you at the top…

  5. God’s grace and mercy Triumphs over judgement. My man that dwells on the rock. You inspire me in so many ways. I’m glad our destinies crossed parts.

  6. Hmm
    So much to learn from ths one piece Olatunji
    I think sometimes we can be likened to a child, in a playful mood, that just wants to “explore” a little, and so he tugs free from his mother’s arms to see what else is out there
    But there usually isnt anything good, and so we’d end up running back to those arms, or at least, we should.
    And we thank God for His Unending Grace, every time we need it.
    Thank you so much for sharing, and God bless our nation Nigeria.

  7. Ojo Temitayo Samuel

    Love your genuineness and sincerity dearest Tunji. You ain’t one of the fake Christians that portrayed “holier than thou nature”. God is smiling down at you for the “Moment of Truth” that some ridiculous brethren will refer to as being backslide KMT. God bless you always fam. I’ll see you at the top.

  8. Always a mixed feeling of excitement, expectation and overall joy each time I get to read your piece # RockdwellerreallyRocks#SpecialGift

  9. Excellent post as usual sir. Speaking for myself, there’s no need for you to apologise. As my mum would always sound, it’s not making the mistake Chi, after you’ve done it ,what’s your attitude about it? You’ve nipped it in the bud and that’s the most important. It takes a great measure of boldness and conviction to do what you’ve done and it’s amazing .
    Remember though, he works in us to will and to move (I think that’s how it’s said) it’s not only about what we choose because I’m very sure you didn’t choose to get drunk that day. Sometimes, it’s not even our choice. It’s very easy to get all zaccheausish* after our wrongs have been set before us and promise we’ll refund* all that we’ve taken (I hope you understand) .
    Thanks and God bless you sir as you continue to shine your light in this generation. Indeed, the Barmz on the hill cannot be hidden. Hehehehe

  10. Nice post. It’s always great to choose to tilt towards positivity in this world filled with so much negativity. And even though it might be a hard choice, it always turns out good. Great decision you made, weldone.

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