To Do or Not To Do?

Written by Olatunji Rockdweller

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“A blow from your friend is better than a kiss from your enemy.” – Pythagoras

“I get by with a little help from my friends.”- John Lennon

  On the 6th of April 2016, I got a mail from a very good friend of mine, Rita. Rita and I have been friends for over 3 years now and we have grown to be great confidants . She is a very beautiful lady with a big brain, a lady of desirable grit. The mail was succinctly scribed and it demanded my presence as soon as possible .”After reading your last publication ‘Living Intentionally’, I felt I really need to talk to you about this”- She wrote. I lost my calmness immediately  I read through the lines of the two-paragraphed mail, I replied with the shortest response ever “ok dear I would surely try”. I brought out my phone and put a call through immediately to this super-cute friend of mine, she eventually picked after my fifth attempt, with a pale voice she muttered “Tunji I am in a very big mess” and I replied in a soft voice. “Babe no mess is too big for God to clean up jare, be happy and I would surely see you on Saturday before noon”, I was a bit unsettled. However, l didn’t allow that to bother me because Saturday was just few days away.
Saturday came though slowly but surely. I had a church meeting as early as 7am and it was stated to end at 9:30am. I was present in the meeting, however restless like a man whose wife is in the labour room –my mind had teleported into Riri’s room as many questions kept seething the nerves of my overtasked brain. Is she sick? Has she lost her job? Heartbreak?– these were the topmost questions on my mind as I was busy plotting the mental graph of the soon-to-commence meeting. Finally, the church meeting ended and I escaped from the hall like a bullet that left the gun. A friend of mine who domiciles within the same estate luckily came to church with his 2014 model of Toyota Avalon, so everything was so smooth as we rolled and gisted during the very pleasant ride.

  Everything was fine until I saw the huge inscription ‘Lekki Phase 1’ then I became a little bit nervous and the feelings of unpreparednes wore me like a gown – – my heart raced even as I trusted God for wisdom to help a friend truly in need. I got to her glittering black gate and put a call across and in few seconds she appeared, ready to usher me in a gracious but cold manner. I followed her into her apartment like a chick following the hen: however not with a cheerful heart. She was looking elegant in her fitted sky-blue jean trousers with a piece of white collar Polo Shirt. On her left wrist was a chain of Michael Kors timepiece, her full lips were intact though her smile framed by those cute dimples were totally missing.
I sat with my legs straight and my feet flat on the glittering tiles in the cartoon themed-room, brightened by the hanging chandelier. Rita who was sitting directly opposite me(with a small glassed – top table separating us) sat with her right leg crossing her left with a sofa pillow on her laps. We were both muted and soundless for the first few minutes even as we both maintained eye contacts, until I shattered the ‘tormentous’ silence, when I said “Babe what’s up! Not even a welcome hug or a warm hospitality?” She mumbled under her breath “TJ  am so emphatically sorry for my erratic behavior jare, I was  awestruck and confused at the same time, I really do appreciate your presence, though I am not surprised that you kept to your word, but I don’t just know how to start”. I smiled and said “Rita, you knew I would be here today and we agreed.. right? I wouldn’t come here from the mainland just to be staring like a lost sheep, start from anywhere jare preferably the subject matter “. She scratched her right thumb against her forehead and she stammered ” Tunji I… am.. p-r-e-g–n-a-n-t !… It was the… worst mistake.. of my life “. I became suddenly sick and cold yet felt unusual heat oozing from within me, tiredness and hunger decended on me like dew at the same time, I was completely mute for almost three minutes. She looked at me with so much bamboozlement as tears gathered momentum in her eyes and finally escaped down her cheek. I left her weeping for a few moment (like 5mins) before I left the comfort of the sofa to extend my mild consolations to a ‘poor’ friend. I patted her back, massaged her left shoulder muscles– we finally ended up hugging so tightly, until my white Balenciaga white long-sleeved shirt became soaked and drenched in Rita’s tears. In my firm voice I whispered repeatedly, “Riri, you would be fine, don’t let this tear you down, you are stronger than this, you are a lady of great grit and audacity”.

The pious consolation didn’t save her from my numerous questions. The major questions were; who is responsible for this “wonder”? How old is the pregnancy(her tummy was still as flat as ever though) and what’s next? I got the answers however reluctantly. Then I requested chilled drink as we discussed the super-sentive issue further (my request was more of therapeutic than imposed hospitality) she gave me a super chilled cranberry with a pack of shortbread as she explained further . I disagreed with the fact that she called it a ‘mistake’, I smirked and told her – – rape is the only mistake associated with such ‘magic’– any sexual intercourse is a calculated adventure and heaven sees it as asking God for a baby/babies, always remember our God hardly denies his own children. Looking straight into my deep eye balls, she shook her head and gave a scary wry smile. I further told her that many of us had made such mistakes in the past but somehow we escaped the trauma simply because grace didn’t allow the bullet to hit any bird. (many people steal sometimes, but those who are caught are called Thieves).
I overstepped my boundary when I disagreed with her on her abortion ambition. My point being that she isn’t no longer a child – she stays alone in a very comfortable apartment, a car and a constant flow of income. She screamed with a piercing high pitched voice “Hello, I have made up my mind! It’s my load and life not yours, I hope you got that right into your skull?!!!”. I immediately took a “chill pill” and my pride erupted like a volcano as I munched my shortbread and sipped a bit of the drink – – knowing fully well; though her protruded stomach may not be visible yet but emotionally she’s pregnant with pains, rage, and frustration, therefore she deserves nothing from a friend closely knitted, than perpetual love and unending support. Being an intelligent and super-sensitive buddy, she could read meaning to my sudden silence and she apologized immediately even in her anger and disappointment, I gladly accepted her apology and asked if I could go home or continue with my searing and unbearable point of view. 

 “Go where? you are gonna exhaust everything you have in your mind about this mess, aren’t we in the mess together again ! “she said. 

 “Sure we are together in this pool but not at the same depth “. I replied jokingly

 It was a deal and she was a bit calm at this point of our discussion.Our conversation went a bit deeper as I was determined to know why she was hell bent on the abortion ‘ish’, being a close friend whom I know her reputation as a very responsible and audacious lady. The colloquy turned to a heated debate as we both presented our strongest point to buttress our views. She asked in a very calm tone of voice, “Tunji, do you really care about my health, the baby or the fact that you think it’s  sinful  and immoral ?”. I adjusted myself on the comfortable sofa, cleared the pathways of my throat, and finally I replied her very intelligent questions.”You and the baby dear of course! – – hurting either party is very wrong and that is sinful (hurting whom Jesus died for). She sighed and said, “Tunji, you will never change “.
   Her second questions propped out immediately as she muttered. “I don’t think it’s as grievous as you are seeing it, ‘flushing’ off this stuff at this stage isn’t murder because the feotus isn’t fully formed yet according to one of my female friends who is a medical practitioner “. I was a bit offended with that school of thought, yet I didn’t show it at all, (because opinion is like a name; everyone has got one) as I responded with so much calmness,” babe,

 do you believe everyone on earth has a specific purpose and assignments?” she answered with so much affirmation,  “of course, I do! “. “Woow,  thanks for the smart answer but why did you think so?” as I placed my hand on her frail shoulder. ” You mean why I feel everyone has got a purpose? “She asked and I nodded gently in reply. She affirmed. ” It’s scriptural now”. Her response launched the conversation into another level.

Once she finally drove us to the scripture I felt a bit comfortable with the idea. I told her to read out Jeremiah 1:5 which she did in a shaky voice “Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations(Jer1:5)”. I further explained my view about it; if God had already had a plan for us before embryonic processes commenced, then there is no difference between a grown-up man and a foetus in God’s own view of things (both have a definite responsibility and purpose), abortion is killing whom the Lord had known, ordained and separated for a specific assignment, unguided sex is beyond the ecstasy and the emotional jamboree – it’s applying for a child (with a definite assignment) to fill a space in the future. Aborting after ‘application’ is gonna create an everlasting vacuum in generations yet to come and that is impermissible!. “I think it’s such a great huge burden for anyone’s shoulder not even yours” I blatted.(immediately, silence engulfed the room for some minutes, as tears gathered momentum in her eyes and finally escaped and ran down her cheek again )
    She wobbled towards the water dispenser, slightly backing me, she quivered ,” Tunji you wouldn’t understand jare.. You wouldn’t understand the shame of carrying this for 9months,the torment of nurturing a baby I never prepared for, the emotional tortures, what would my friends say? office is going to be hell at least in the next few years, how about my pastors and people in the choir?  Tunji I would be totally ridiculed! How would I tell mum and my siblings, did I tell you the guy responsible for this isn’t ready yet?”. She exhausted all her worry and fears. “This is why I hate you”. I replied.

 ” H-A-T-E… me?” She stammered in tears.  

Yeah.. I do hate you when you care about what people say about you dear, moreover, the people who care-less about you and relegate opinion of your beloved ones,why spend more time trying to impress those who don’t like you and those who you don’t really love? – Your mum wouldn’t advise you to abort this even if she gets mad at you(grandma in the making) , your younger ones wouldn’t disown you, that I know! .. Your real friends would help you navigate through this tunnel of life and in few years from now you would be glad you took the right decision. I hate it when you prioritize the view of ‘haters’ over the love and affection you get from the people who really  matter the most in your life.
  I had to conclude by telling her that, the fact that you abort this baby doesn’t change the fact that you were once pregnant but it only showed you were irresponsible for your mistakes, therefore denying someone the right to life. On the final note ; only person who ever had the right to abort a pregnancy was Virgin Mary simply because she was a Virgin and had no concrete explanation for the protruding belly, yet she didn’t. If she had yielded to her shame and her fears. What would have been our hope in this world?
My eyes looked in the direction of the wall clock, and it was 16:37.(damn it! how time flies). I rushed up and told her “Riri, I have to go now, I promise to keep in touch”.”Thanks so much dear Tunji, you are indeed priceless”. She replied. We hugged warmly and tightly as I whispered in her cute left ear. “The ball is in your court now and I do hope you do the right thing. Whichever way it goes.. just know that I will always love you and you will always be my friend”. (We departed)

DISCLAIMER: RITA; requested the writing of this and ensured it’s publication here to encourage others. The pregnancy is in good shape and all the glory be to God.
[**RITA isn’t her real name for security purposes]

32 thoughts on “To Do or Not To Do?”

  1. Two wrongs will never make a right, just the same way you can’t dig up a hole to cover up another hole. This story will encourage those who have the means to handle and cope with such mistakes as unwanted pregnancy, a home, a car, steady, guaranteed and stable flow of income that of course over shadows the power of inflation especially in these troubled economy of ours, however, those who don’t have and cant afford to take such risks will do the needed dreaded act. We are in no position to judge them, God will surely see to that now, someday, tomorrow or even the day they go along with the act. In all we do, Let’s be be responsible, and act responsible. We can’t see tomorrow but I know someone who can, His Name is Jesus.

  2. The best part of this writing is the part where my paddy didn’t tell her what she wanted to hear… He didn’t know support her in the name of sentiment… Good write up brother… I’m impressed…

  3. Oh Olatunji, I love this! As always, God has used you in saving not just one life but two and perhaps tons more who would come across this. As i read through, I thought ‘those responses though, very typical of Tunji.’ For a moment i felt like Rita, fiercely readying to battle whatever opposition to my well made-up mind, and at the same time desperately needing your advice. As always, your words ring true. Proud of you bro!

    And for ‘Rita’, gratitude for sharing this, in such manner, helping many in typical situations. Be rest assured you’ll be fine, you’ve been equipped from the start. Never doubt your decision (trust, this is coming from one who also holds Tunji’s advice in high regard).

    Oh, lest i forget, Great write-up bro! You carried me through those lines like any good writer would. Here i was thinking i was the only writer. lol.

  4. Rita…may God give you Grace to go through this stage of Pregnancy… you will sure Love the Cute one Coming. Never give up on yourself,its not the end of the world.Jesus is ready to forgive you and give you strength to nurture this cute one.Take good care of yourself and be Happy. Tunji…nice one…God Bless You.

  5. I had to read this part over and over to be sure…
    “This is why I hate you”. I replied. ” H-A-T-E… me?” She stammered in tears. …
    Mehn! you are quite blunt with the truth o! which is good tho! .

    I read that part and it got me thinking of how God hates it when we disregard and sacrifice his love for us in a bid to please people who don’t really care about us.
    Surely, it annoys God to see his Beloved do stuffs for the sake of societal approval and social media likes & fame!

    I’m glad you took that stand!
    well done Bro! more grace. God bless You, Rita and Baby Jeremiah (winks)

  6. This part really touched me,
    On the final note ; only person who ever had the right to abort a pregnancy was Virgin Mary simply because she was a Virgin and had no concrete explanation for the protruding belly, yet she didn’t. If she had yielded to her shame and her fears. What would have been our hope in this world?
    We would have been hopeless if she did. I’ve never reasoned it in this direction. God bless u Sir, I pray God strengthens her through the nine months and even after delivery. Amen

  7. I attempted reading this piece 5 times but I couldn’t. Finally, its done and I am glad I finally took the right decision. God used you as always.
    You promised to be there for me and you did all through the process. Like the rock for 9 months. Even though you haven’t called me my real name in 9 months.(I think I now prefer Rita though **lol)
    He will grow to read this and all your works.
    I am sorry for crying over the fone. Could not help!
    LOVE YOU FOREVER, DEAR TUNJI
    YOUR RITA

  8. And He continues to be a blessing, a very loyal and true friend! You are dynamic sir and I am overwhelmed till now by your unique and peculiar personality and you don’t allow anyone make you uncomfortable about who you are. God bless you and you are yet to scratch the surface of what God can do through you. I owe you a very huge hug the next time we see because you are an amazing brother and friend! You were the first person who really spoke to me about Christ and you had to talk deep about yourself to get me to confide in you. I love you so so so much because that experience will stay with me forever and I officially say that you showed me who Christ really is and can be to me. Thank you.

    You rock Rita! I’m very sure that little angel would be someone that the world would reckon with in years to come.

  9. What a relevant interlocutory disposition of facts and ideas!!….Dear writer, keep this up!! Its so motivational, inspirational and educational….we must stop Abortion…its so ungodly…!! I love this…

  10. Hey, how’s it going?

    I want to pass along some very important news that everyone needs to hear!

    In December of 2017, Donald Trump made history by recognizing Jerusalem as the capital of Israel. Why is this big news? Because by this the Jewish people of Israel are now able to press forward in bringing about the Third Temple prophesied in the Bible.

    Jewish Rabbis have publicly announced that their Messiah will be revealed in the coming years who will be a leader and spiritual guide to all nations, gathering all religions under the worship of one God.

    Biblical prophecy tells us that this Jewish Messiah who will take the stage will be the antichrist “who opposes and exalts himself above all that is called God or that is worshiped, so that he sits as God in the temple of God, showing himself that he is God” (2 Thessalonians 2:4). For a time he will bring about a false peace, but “Therefore when you see the ‘abomination of desolation,’ spoken of by Daniel the prophet, standing in the holy place (Matthew 24:15)…then there will be great tribulation, such as has not been since the beginning of the world until this time, no, nor ever shall be” (Matthew 24:21).

    More importantly, the power that runs the world wants to put a RFID microchip in our body making us total slaves to them. This chip matches perfectly with the Mark of the Beast in the Bible, more specifically in Revelation 13:16-18:

    “He causes all, both small and great, rich and poor, free and slave, to receive a mark on their right hand or on their foreheads, and that no one may buy or sell except one who has the mark or the name of the beast, or the number of his name.

    Here is wisdom. Let him who has understanding calculate the number of the beast, for it is the number of a man: His number is 666.”

    Referring to the last days, this could only be speaking of a cashless society, which we have yet to see, but are heading towards. Otherwise, we could still buy or sell without the mark amongst others if physical money was still currency. This Mark couldn’t be spiritual because the word references two different physical locations. If it was spiritual it would just say in the forehead. RFID microchip implant technology will be the future of a one world cashless society containing digital currency. It will be implanted in the right-hand or the forehead, and we cannot buy or sell without it. Revelation 13:11-18 tells us that a false prophet will arise on the world scene doing miracles before men, deceiving them to receive this Mark. Do not be deceived! We must grow strong in Jesus. AT ALL COSTS, DO NOT TAKE IT!

    “Then a third angel followed them, saying with a loud voice, “If anyone worships the beast and his image, and receives his mark on his forehead or on his hand, he himself shall also drink of the wine of the wrath of God, which is poured out full strength into the cup of His indignation. He shall be tormented with fire and brimstone in the presence of the holy angels and in the presence of the Lamb. And the smoke of their torment ascends forever and ever; and they have no rest day or night, who worship the beast and his image, and whoever receives the mark of his name” (Revelation 14:9-11).

    People have been saying the end is coming for many years, but we needed two key things. One, the Third Temple, and two, the technology for a cashless society to fulfill the prophecy of the Mark of the Beast.

    Visit http://WWW.BIBLEFREEDOM.COM to see proof for these things and why the Bible truly is the word of God!

    If you haven’t already, it is time to seek God with all your heart. Jesus loves you more than you could imagine. He wants to have a relationship with you and redeem you from your sins. Turn to Him and repent while there is still hope! This is forever…God bless!

    “EITHER HUMAN INTELLIGENCE ULTIMATELY OWES ITS ORIGIN TO MINDLESS MATTER OR THERE IS A CREATOR…” – JOHN LENNOX

    We all know God exists. Why? Because without Him, we couldn’t prove anything at all. Do we live our lives as if we cannot know anything? No. So why is God necessary? In order to know anything for certain, you would have to know everything, or have revelation from somebody who does. Who is capable of knowing everything? God. So to know anything, you would have to be God, or know God.

    A worldview without God cannot account for the uniformity and intelligibility of nature. And why is it that we can even reason that God is the best explanation for this if there is no God? We are given reason to know or reject God, but never to know that He does not exist.

    It has been calculated by Roger Penrose that the odds of the initial conditions for the big bang to produce the universe that we see to be a number so big, that we could put a zero on every particle in the universe, and even that would not be enough to use every zero. What are the odds that God created the universe? Odds are no such thing. Who of you would gamble your life on one coin flip?

    Is there evidence that the Bible is the truth? Yes. Did you know that the creation accounts listed in the book of Genesis are not only all correct, but are also in the correct chronological order? That the Bible doesn’t say the Earth was formed in six 24-hour days but rather six long but finite periods of time? That the Bible makes 10 times more creation claims than all major “holy” books combined with no contradictions, while these other books have errors in them? The Bible stood alone by concurring with the big bang saying, “In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth” (Genesis 1:1); and says our universe is expanding, thousands of years before scientists discovered these things. Watch a potential life-changing video on the website listed below with Astronomer(PhD) Hugh Ross explaining all these facts based on published scientific data. He has authored many books, backed even by atheist scientists.

    Jesus came to pay a debt that we could not; to be our legal justifier to reconcile us back to a Holy God; only if we are willing to receive Him: “For the wages of sin is death…” (Romans 6:23).

    God so loved the world that He gave us His only begotten son, so that whoever believes in Him, through faith, shall not perish, but have everlasting life. Jesus says if we wish to enter into life to keep the commands! The two greatest commands are to love God with all your heart, soul, strength, and mind; and your neighbor as yourself. All the law hang on these commands. We must be born of and lead by the Holy Spirit, to be called children of God, to inherit the kingdom. If we are willing to humble ourselves in prayer to Jesus, to confess and forsake our sins, He is willing to give the Holy Spirit to those who keep asking of Him; giving us a new heart, leading us into all truth!

    Jesus came to free us from the bondage of sin. The everlasting fire was prepared for the devil and his angels due to disobedience to God’s law. If we do the same, what makes us any different than the devil? Jesus says unless we repent, we shall perish. For sin is the transgression of the law. We must walk in the Spirit so we may not fulfill the lusts of the flesh, being hatred, fornication, drunkenness and the like. Whoever practices such things will not inherit the kingdom (Galatians 5:16-26). If we sin, we may come before Jesus to ask for forgiveness (1 John 2:1-2). Evil thoughts are not sins, but rather temptations. It is not until these thoughts conceive and give birth by our own desires that they become sin (James 1:12-15). When we sin, we become in the likeness of the devil’s image, for he who sins is of the devil (1 John 3:8); but if we obey Jesus, in the image of God. For without holiness, we shall not see the Lord (Hebrews 12:14).

    The oldest religion in the world is holiness through faith (James 1:27). What religion did Adam and Eve follow before the fall? Jesus, Who became the last Adam, what religion does He follow? Is He not holy? He never told us to follow the rituals and traditions of man but to take up our cross and follow Him (Luke 9:23). There are many false doctrines being taught leading people astray. This is why we need the Holy Spirit for discernment. Unlike religion, holiness cannot be created. It is given to us from above by the baptism of the Spirit. Jesus is more than a religion; He is about having a personal relationship with the Father. Start by reading the Gospel of Matthew, to hear the words of God, to know His character and commandments. Follow and obey Jesus, for He is the way, the truth, and the life!

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